One of the biggest challenges I face is mastering the art of saying “no.” Having grown up in a household of people-pleasers, saying “no” wasn’t a suitable response (unless you were turning down sex, drugs or alcohol…) If someone asked you nicely to help, you helped. If someone could make you feel a little guilty about even thinking of saying no, you didn’t say no.
For years, I’ve worked on exorcising this need-to-please part of my personality. Just when I think I’m getting better at saying no, I get sucked into a YES that turns into a big mistake. And the yeses that are motivated by guilt are the ones that really make me feel resentful and cranky.
But there is another “no” that can be even more insidious, because it is disguised as opportunity. Sometimes it is important to say no to that really great-sounding project that beckons like a siren, luring you to add another demand to your already jam-packed life.
Saying “yes” when you should say “no” can be devastating to your goals. As my browser home page says, courtesy of Luciano at litemind.com, “You can do anything, but not everything. Choose wisely.” It is great to entertain new opportunities and embrace new challenges, but choose wisely how you will spend your 24 hours each day. Not saying no can be a minefield. It is so easy to think, “Sure, I can fit one more thing in, because it is such a great thing!”
Here’s the rub: if you don’t say “no” enough, all the things you’ve already said “yes” to don’t get the attention they deserve.
What do you already have in your life that you can move aside to take on this new opportunity? Do you still want to, when you consider it like that? Does it get you were you wanted to go, or is it a distraction from a really awesome plan you’ve already worked out? If you are the kind of person who wants to embrace the fullness of life, you will have to make some tough choices about what will fill you up and what will make you explode.
You can do anything, but not everything. Choose wisely.
